To All The Things I Should Have Done...

 But I Didn't Do. 

Has there ever been a time when being an educator hasn't been a constant struggle of feeling like you aren't doing enough? 

This is a question that has been on my mind for quite a while. I promise you that I am okay. I know that people who are kind and caring will wonder if I am burned out or overwhelmed and I promise that I am not either of those things. But I still question whether or not I am ever doing enough. 

Enough at work. Enough in my volunteer endeavors. Enough advocacy. Enough reading. Enough professional development. Enough at home with my kids. Enough rest. Enough exercise. 

Enough. Enough. Enough. 

The hustle and grind culture of our society is a lot. Seriously. Every time I see someone posting about a webinar they are in, or a book they are reading or time they are spending with their kids and family I wonder if I should be doing those things. Have I picked the right activities to spend my time on? Have I prioritized the right things? Will I wish I picked something different? Am I teaching my daughters about rest and rejuvenation or am I modelling a constant hustle to the next thing? 

With all of this in mind, I have been working to be very intentional about the activities I am choosing to engage in throughout my day, both at home and at work. If I am feeling the pressure to do something based on outside forces I have really worked to pause and consider if I want to do it for me or do I want to do it because it feels like "I should".  What factors influence me in how I use my time and what I pursue?

This has meant for the last few months I haven't done a lot of things. If I felt like I needed silence or quieter time after a busy and noisy day at school then I haven't joined in with EduKnitNight and connected with my friends. Instead, I've snuggled on the couch with my kids and a movie or a book. Or binged a mindless show on Netflix. If we made weekend plans to ski then I haven't brought any schoolwork home. If my kids have an evening activity and takeout is easier than I haven't cooked. 

At school, I haven't pushed through "covering" curriculum. We read together. We write together. We explore math and science and art and social studies. But we also play. A lot. My Grade 3s have become experts in Free Choice activities. They explore all the materials in our class every day, multiple times a day. During our 20-minute Soft Start, at the end of most learning periods, at the end of day. This gives me time to work with individual students on their specific learning needs, to observe their social interactions and support social development, to assess new skills one on one through discussion and observation. I can prompt their learning and listen to their ideas instead of relying on written assessments. 

Have we done a "spelling pattern/list" each week? Nope. Do my students write in their journals each week? Nope. Do we read a new picture book every day? Nope. 

The learning we do is very rich though. We talk about spelling patterns, we talk about making connections to our reading, and we are starting to explore writing paragraphs. The growth in my students from September to now is astounding. They have worked! I see my students gaining confidence as readers, writers, and problem solvers. I see them understand the need to care for our classroom space as a communal space. I see them connecting to learning from earlier in the year. I see them seeking out new passions and friendships. 

I have heard Liz Kleinrock speak on a number of occasions and the idea of "rest as resistance" really resonated with me. So as I think back on all the things I "should have done" over the last few weeks and months that I didn't do - I am not sad, upset, or concerned. I centered myself and my family when at home. I centered my students and their needs when at school. The learning is still happening- my professional learning, my students' learning at school, my daughters' learning of the value of their time at home, and my own understanding of rest. 

It's just happening at a slower, more human pace. My pace. My students' pace. 

And we like it.