This is a post that has been brewing for quite awhile. I listened to this episode of OnEd Mentors back on June 10th- Retired, Rewired and Full of Purpose. I'm not sure what drew me to listen to it other than maybe that Doug Peterson was one of the guests? Maybe because retirement has been a part of so many more discussions over the past few years in education? Whatever the reason I listened to it back in June while working to pack up the library and again in piece over the last few days.
I was initially really quite taken aback by how much I connected to with in this episode. After all, I am not retired. I am 13 years away from my earliest retirement possibility. My parents, who are 73, only retired in the last few years. Retirement has not been a part of my daily discussion or connections.
So what drew me to this episode?
After I "announced" (or started to share) that I was leaving the teacher-librarian position and going back to the classroom in May I found myself in a really strange position of consoling other people about my decision. I am excited to be back in my own classroom with my own students. I am excited about integrating various curriculum areas. I am excited about building relationships with students and their families. I am excited about putting together a classroom library again. So consoling people was not really high on my list of things I wanted to be doing as I started to embark on this return to a classroom role.
Consoling people and/or justifying my decision to other people became something I started to feel a little angry about. I am not one to make snap decisions. I really thought about this before I made my resume and started to apply. I almost never regret decisions once I make them. I am a very reflective person and I know myself well. Once a decision is made it's usually the best one for me. My oldest daughter even remarked on the weekend that I was making my resume that this was the happiest she had seen me in a while. My 11 year old recognized the weight that was lifted due to my decision.
So, again, what does this have to do with retirement and the OnEd Mentors episode?
Chris Cluff once posed the question "If teaching wasn't part of your identity, what would be?" or something to that affect ( I am paraphrasing here) and it's a really interesting question. Being an educator is a huge part of my identity. Almost everyone who knows me would agree with this statement. Over the past 5 years in the school library being a librarian became a big part of my identity and I think due to Twitter and my advocacy work, it's the only identity many people attach to me.
If you were reading carefully you will notice in the paragraph above that I wrote "librarian" not "teacher librarian". In many ways I feel like the last 2+ years in education as we dealt with the COVID 19 pandemic that I lost my teacher identity in some ways. I was a resource for my colleagues. I was a curator and a website designer. I was a live audio book. I was a reading strategy modeller and integrator. I was a creator of provocations. And more.
But was I a teacher?
Due to pandemic restrictions, ongoing burnout and the feeling of just keeping their heads above water and a multitude of other reasons educators were either not able or not ready to jump back into collaborating. They loved that I did so many read alouds because it gave them a moment of pause and respite. They loved bringing the class to the library for full class exploration periods and book exchange. They appreciated the resources and lesson ideas I shared.
But I never got to see anything past the planning or sparking stage with students. I don't blame or begrudge my colleagues any of this. The last few years in education have been hard. I wanted to help and support as much as I could, in anyway that I could.
I was an educational planner but I was not a teacher. Over time, during the pandemic and our response in education my role in the school library became less about teaching and more about support, resource and as many people in Ontario can attest, supply teaching.
And if I am being very honest, I really enjoyed the supply teaching days. I liked being able to spend a full day with kids, mostly online, wading through curriculum, talking about stories, asking and answering questions, laughing, sharing.... I liked being a teacher.
This episode of OnEd Mentors helped my to realize that the catalyst for wanting to go back to the classroom is that I want to reconnect with my teaching identity. I want to be work through the planning, the teaching, the reflecting, the co-planning and building of a classroom community, the assessment, integrating makerspace and loose parts.
I want to be a teacher.
I am sad to be leaving the school library role and the learning opportunities it afforded me. I feel like I have grown more as an educator in the last 5 years than the 13 previous years. I am excited to be a school library advocate from the classroom role. I can't wait to co-plan and co-teach with the teacher librarian in my new school. I am excited to continue to advocate and share the fabulousness happening in school libraries every day across Ontario and Canada. Lastly, I am excited to continue to mentor and share my experience in the school library with others.
I am still here.
I still have my school library knowledge. I am planning more blog posts. I have already submitted articles for upcoming publications. I am outlining a possible TMC 7 paper. I am finishing my final year end report which will cover the 2020-2021 and 2021-2022 school years. Once a TL, always a TL.
No comments