This is the first loss that my daughters have had to process. We told my oldest first and cried it out with her. The night we told my youngest, Monday Jan 17th, they both cried themselves to sleep. It was heartbreaking. They have known him their whole life and he's been a constant for them. The last two years with the pandemic have meant that they got to spend even more time with him. And in a way it was a blessing for him. At least one of his people have been with him everyday since March 2020... what dog could ask for anything better?
Being kids and trying to process a loss they have turned to creating their own stories about "doggie heaven" and what Kahne is doing there. They are convinced their cousin's dog met him at the entrance and immediately gave him a tour of all the best spots. The two of them worked up a list of all the things Kahne would get to do in heaven- a room full of treats, a room full of smells, a room full of toys. I added that there's probably a wall of windows that the dogs can stick their heads out and it's just like being in the car. That brought us to the idea of a room full of squirrels to chase because Kahne loved to chase and bark at anything that moved. But when we thought on it we decided that being chased by dogs probably wasn't squirrel heaven.... so they decided that the squirrels are holograms being controlled by squirrels (like a video game) because being able to taunt dogs would be a part of squirrel heaven! Listening to them giggle and laugh about all the fun Kahne must be having was just what my heart needed.
Every day though, someone mentions they miss him. Someone wonders what he's doing. I find myself looking for him or looking at where he'd normally be when I go about my day. I miss the way he'd do a tour of the girls' rooms each night before settling in, like it was his job to ensure they were safe in bed. I miss petting his ears which might have been the softest thing on earth.
Mostly I just feel the quietness of the hole he's left behind.
