You're Grumpy.

 You're grumpy. A lot grumpier than you used

to be and for a long time now. 

I was told recently that I am now grumpy. And grumpier all the time. And I started to wonder.

Am I?

Am I grumpy now? The last two years have definitely taken a toll on all of us and perhaps as a society we are more grumpy now. Or maybe we are just less willing to put up with bullshit? I know I am. I feel like the last two years has helped me to see that sharing my thoughts, my real thoughts, on certain situations isn't rude it's advocating for myself and perhaps others.

I wonder, "Does speaking your mind or your truth make you grump?" Or does it just show that other people have an unwillingness to hear things that make them uncomfortable?

I find myself drawing inwards a lot more in the last few months. I want to watch TV alone. I want to read in a room alone. I want to crochet or create alone. I rarely crave being with others. Perhaps it stems from all those months of being home during the quarantine and lockdowns and then the overstimulation of being in a school filled with people all day. Perhaps it stems from what often feels like the crushing weight of the constant news cycle of a world on fire? Perhaps it's because my youngest daughter has required me (and sometimes my husband, but less often) to sleep with her for at least 95% percent of the nights since March 2020. Maybe it's because I am not even alone in sleep?

Does wanting to be alone more often make me a grump? Does recognizing that I need this time for me make me a grump?

My friend, Chris Cluff is often a source of #thoughtfuel (and that term!) for me. He recently posted this poem on his blog- And . The phrase "the burden of caretaking and releasing our stories from clenched fists" felt like he had crawled inside my brain and had seen my thoughts. 

In some ways my family has been so lucky these past two years. No one in our immediate family has had COVID, we have all kept our jobs and continue to live in a safe place. We have been able to connect more with our children as they have been home with us and we are building an addition on our home that will allow us to "escape" to the backyard for peace and relaxation. So does all that mean we aren't allowed to feel as though the last two years haven't been hard in other ways? Is there a scale of difficulty that prioritizes one person's hardship over the hardship of others? 

Do I have a "right" to be grumpy?

What is the threshold where we are given permission to be grumpy? That our burdens make it social acceptable to be outwardly grumpy? Perhaps more grace and acknowledgement that everyone's story has value and their experience can't be measured against the experience of others?

I have friends going through hard things. Very hard things. Cancer. The death of family members. Fear for their immunocompromised children and loved ones. Mental health issues. Divorce. 

All things infinitely harder than anything I am dealing with in my daily life. I would never call any of them grumpy. But I would also never call anyone just working through the daily slog of life in a pandemic grumpy either. 

Seriously. Grumpy!? Me? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm grumpier than I used to be. Maybe I'm not. 

Maybe I'm just less willing to hold back saying what I'm thinking. Maybe I'm tired of "meeting people where they are" fully knowing they never intend to put the work in to move forward. Maybe I'm not willing to let others walk all over the work I've put in to push my learning forward. Maybe I'm not willing to listen to excuses and choices that don't serve the students in our school community.

Maybe I'm grumpy. Maybe not. 

And to be honest, I don't care anymore if you think I'm grumpy.

From a mom to the teachers of #Onted

 Something to think about over the break...

As the parent of two school age children we have been talking a lot of the new routines and the removal of masks/returning to sitting in groups. Both of my daughters suffer from anxiety and are currently struggling with the thought of immediately sitting so close to others after 2 years of trying to stay distanced. There will be students in your class that feel the same way. 

Perhaps a slow transition to groups is needed, sitting in pairs first might be best? Ask students how they feel and what they are ready for. While we may be ready to return to the practice of sitting in groups and it makes teaching certain topics and activities easier, it is not about our convenience but about centering the needs of our students. 

My daughters have also asked me about masks and whether I will still be wearing one. I told that them that I will be wearing a mask at school after the break and it's for 2 reasons:

1) I want to. It's my choice to wear one as is all things regarding my body and issues of consent.

2) There will be students who want to wear a mask still and they will need to see adults in the building wearing masks and supporting them in that decision. The students who are comfortable not wearing masks may not need our support as much. And maybe students feel comfortable taking their mask off in the classroom community where they have built trust with you and their classmates but not in the hallway where they encounter more people. Again, as the adults and the educators in the building it's important to decenter ourselves and do what's best for kids first and foremost.

So as a mom of two kids scared and worried to come back to school on the 21st I am asking you to consider these things and work to help your students heal and transition as we slowly move away from COVId restrictions. 

It's that time of year... placement sheets!

 It's that time of year in my board when we have to start filling out our placement sheets for the next school year. Depending on the admin we sometimes have to list our top 3 or 4 choices, stop/start/continue for the school community, goals for the next 5 years and we can discuss it at a fireside chat of we wish.

It's an interesting time. 

People are curious as to what other people requested. Who wants to change grade levels? Who is looking at a support role? Who is thinking of switching schools or boards?

I have asked for full time library (of course) but in looking at the writing on the wall I can see how much our school population has dropped and that there's a pretty big chance my library allocation will be reduced. So then what? What is the optimal combination to effectively re-start our free flow book exchange and maker space programs should we be back to a somewhat "normal" school year next year?

I know in many, many schools and in many, many boards that teacher-librarians, library technicians and other school library professionals are split across roles, schools and in many cases, across distances between schools. I know the huge path of school library privilege I have always walked in as a full time teacher-librarian. 

I am also aware that the last 2 years in the school library have in some ways soured me to the role. Don't get me wrong!! I love the school library. I love being a teacher-librarian. BUT, there's been a lot of piece stripped away from the role as I knew it due to COVID protocols and the need for various support roles within the school community. 

For me it comes down to the students. I miss them.

I miss our day to day interactions when they would come to exchange books. I miss the kids who would visit multiple times during the week excited to find the next book they would devour. I miss the kids who would come to the library to just sit and play not knowing that while they were there they were gaining experience and skills towards their own self-regulation that would support them when they returned to class. I miss the thrill of starting a new inquiry with a class and filling a white board with a Notice/Wonder chart. I miss watching students building and share their ideas using loose parts and explore communicating their thoughts using a variety of modalities. I even miss the tangle of glue guns and glue sticks that came with large scale maker projects.

I miss being in the mess with the students.

The mess of learning. 

I've been looking back at my three year plan from when I started in the LLC 5 years ago as I do feel as though September 2022 will be a re-start. None of the students in our school will have participated in free flow book exchange in over 2 years. Our oldest students (Grade 5) will have been in Grade 2 the last time they accessed the library independently. It's going to be a complete refresh which on one hand in exciting and on the other is terrifying. 

I do feel as though I need a jolt of some kind to pull me back into what I love the most about teaching (and school libraries, if I'm being honest).

So on my placement sheets for next year, if I am not full time in the library, I have asked for Kindergarten planning time. Why not start at the beginning? Why not immerse myself in the full-on messiness, inquiry-based, wonder of learning? Why not take the opportunity to co-learn and co-teach with kindergarten educators? Why not?

Of course, full time in the library learning commons is the gold standard of library placements but a small part of me is really hoping that I'll get to experience some kindergarten joy as well. 

I guess we'll see what happens...